Half a year passes like a moment.

Our baby boy is six months old today.

Half a year.

I thought I would have a whole book full of eloquent things to say about the passage of time, how amazing it’s been to see his personality emerge from small moments of recognition to something quite like a sense of humor, or even the fact that he’s learned to ignore us when we leave him with his Grammy because he knows we’re going away.

I was sure that I would talk more about his developing eating habits – the peas he tolerates and the sweet potatoes he can’t do without, or the funny look he gives me when he eats the apples that look just like the pears. I figured I’d share a laugh about the chomping face he does whenever he watches one of us take a bite of food.

But half a year…and I find myself nearly speechless.

The small bundle I could (just) hold in one arm has become a little person who laughs, stands, and is already half as tall as his GG and three times larger than he was at birth. He is funny, inquisitive, and so full of innocent joy that it breaks my heart to watch him even as it fills that same heart to the top.

My sweet boy, who will very soon sleep in a bed all his own and have teeth and say words, and walk and run and one day call me “Mommy”…and then, one bittersweet day, just “Mom”.

But today he is still a baby, and today I will hold him and remember the wonder of our first moments together.

Happy half birthday, Arthur.

5 months old, and the best laid plans…

Our little boy is five months old today.

 

I think that face says it all. “All”, of course, being “Yes, I’m totally cute. Mommy, why do you have that thing in my face? Can I eat it?” Makes me not want to go to work in the morning…

This weekend, we went with Brian’s family to do family portraits. They haven’t had a portrait done together since 2006 (which, incidentally, was the year that the siblings went in on a picture of themselves for their parents as well), and a lot of things have changed since then. Everyone is older, of course; all three siblings are married or committed; and then there’s Arthur!

In order to make portraits more successful than our 3-month visit, we planned ahead. We got to the mall at 11:45 and bought lunch. Arthur woke up in his stroller at noon, at which point I fixed him a 4-ounce bottle. It was enough to make him happy, and we were far enough ahead of our 1:00 pm appointment that he would have plenty of time to eat and digest so we could avoid spit-up. Plus, we figured, by the time he’s ready for his next bottle we would be comfortably resting at my in-laws’ house waiting for early Thanksgiving dinner.

You know what they say about the best-laid plans…

We walked into the portrait studio at 12:40, and within the next five minutes the rest of the family had arrived. We checked in – “Oh, we’re running about 25-30 minutes behind so we’ll get to you as soon as we can.” This wasn’t a horrible setback, until 25 minutes stretched into 35 and people who had seemingly just arrived were taken in before us. (In reality, many families decided to stroll through the store after checking in to avoid the inevitable meltdowns of tired and impatient children.) Arthur started rubbing his eyes and giving us his sleepy face, so Brian hitched him up and started walking as well. Within a few minutes Arthur was passed out.

Of course, that was the moment that they came out and said “We’re ready for you!”

Sadly for the story, but quite fortunately for us, Arthur is a champ. We did a few “couple” shots first, and by the time we were ready to include Arthur in the photos he was awake and bright-eyed. He even smiled through most of the pictures, and we ended up with a couple of gems.

All in all, it was a good day – but I dread thinking of how we’ll prepare for his 6-month portraits…

 

Small moment, huge joy

Sometimes all it takes to change my day is a moment.

Today, I walked in the door after a loooooong day at work. I’m a writer and social media manager, and the beginning of the government shutdown last week pushed my entire project roster for the last two weeks back in favor of shutdown coverage on our three Web sites. I feel good about it – I’m still writing, and now using that political science background I have – but it means that I am busting tail to get the rest of my scheduled work up by Friday so I can plan out the second half of the month.

So anyway, the door.

As I was unlocking the deadbolt I heard Brian talking to Arthur. They must have come into the kitchen to disengage the alarm so I wouldn’t have to. When I opened the door I was greeted by a cat, a man, and a baby. I set my stuff down as I went, and with arms empty I turned to Brian…

…and Arthur’s face lit up. 

I can’t possibly exaggerate his expression. The pure joy in his eyes and the huge grin on his face filled my heart and melted it all at once. I saw home, and I learned for the eight millionth time in 113 days that my heart has still not reached its growth limit.

He’s sleeping now with the stuffed dragon his Grandma and Grandpa bought for him at Disney World, and my world is complete.

As a bonus, here’s what our rock star looked like at his first large gathering, at only 12 days old.

My future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

So. Much. Joy.

Three Months

Arthur is three months old today.

Three months. A whole season – he was born just as spring blossomed into summer, and now we’re on the threshold of the new beginnings of fall.

I just wrote a post about how quickly the time goes by, but I couldn’t let this day go by without comment.

Fitting that when I walked into the office this morning there was a large box waiting for me. I’m fortunate to work with friends, or to be friends with my coworkers – however you like. Anyway, inside the box was an adorable jungle cross-stitch. You know the kind, with Arthur’s name and birth weight/date in the center and sweet animals surrounding it. It’s a perfect match for his nursery, and more importantly it’s such an expression of love and support. I have a special idea to repay the kindness, but she might read this so I’ll keep that close to the vest for now…

We’re taking Arthur for his three-month portraits on Saturday. I promise that I’ll try not to become one of those moms (though I won’t admit how many pictures I had to clear off my phone to update it today), but for the first year we will catalog these seasonal milestones with the help of a professional. Then it’ll be every year. Or every six months. Don’t pressure me.

(Maybe it’s selfish, but I’m especially excited that after Saturday I get to make photo books!)

Finally, a personal reflection on the last few months…

I am a woman with many faults. Some are simply too trivial to even acknowledge but a fair few are what I consider to be true character flaws. I tend to be unreasonable when I’m angry, whether or not my anger is justified or even properly directed. I try to do it all because I’m afraid of what people will think if I ask for help, then I reach a breaking point and rail against the people who love me the most for not stepping in sooner. (Basically, for not being mind readers.)

But Arthur has changed me already.

When I am tempted to raise my voice or give in to petty anger, I look down at his sweet face and remember that I want to do better for him. I want him to grow up in a household with love at its center from all sides. Anger is natural, but I want to show him that there is a right and a wrong way to be angry. When I am sad and tired and start to wonder why I try to do so much, I hear him laugh and know that I want us to have a fulfilling life – as individuals, and as a family.

I don’t get everything right. I still question and second-guess myself. Some nights I still cry, and some days I still let out angry words before I can stop myself.

But I am becoming a better version of myself, day by day.

It’s been a great three months, and the next three will be even better.

He’s here!

This post is a little belated; as I’m sure anybody with a newborn can understand, adjusting to sleep and feeding schedules (as well as having this beautiful new person to love!) complicates the search for blogging time.

At any rate, Arthur has arrived! I’m working on his birth story and will hopefully have it finished before he wakes up from his nap (famous last words), but for right now I can tell you I am just in awe. This baby boy who nested in my belly for the last nine months is finally here.

The new parents are learning – nighttime sleeping is still an adventure, and there are times it seems like all he wants to do is lay at the tap and eat until there’s nothing left (a good thing, in all), but we are also learning how amazing an addition to our family little Arthur is, and how quickly it’s possible to fall in deep and everlasting love with someone you’ve only just met.

Enough cliches for the moment; keep an eye out for the birth story!

Our First(ish) Mother’s Day

When does motherhood begin?

I suppose that three people may give me four different answers to that question. Clearly I am at least a “soon-to-be” mom, as evidenced by my ever-lowering bump…an almost-finished nursery…and the feeling I have inside of me (besides the heartburn) that even though I have yet to hold him in a traditional sense, I am very much already a Mother.

I told my own mother and mother-in-law that I didn’t feel quite right celebrating my “first” Mother’s Day when I haven’t actually met the baby yet, but when I woke up to texts and Facebook messages wishing me – me! – a Happy Mother’s Day I suddenly felt perfectly clear.

I hold my child in my body for the moment, yet I have held him in my heart since the morning I first read the word “pregnant” on that stick. Already I live for him, and would die for him with only the regret that we would be separated far too soon. I feel a rush of love and devotion to him each time I feel him moving inside me, and treasure (as I’ve mentioned) that bond that is ours alone to share. Science and philosophy agree that even when he leaves my body to enter the world, he will remain a part of me.

So, I send Mother’s Day love to every mother today, mothers who carry their children in their arms and those whose children are grown, mothers who carry their child in their womb and mothers whose angel babies will live on in their hearts. And, a happy Mother’s Day to me. Arthur is kicking, so I can only imagine he agrees.

Week 25: Kicking, and other more interesting changes

We’re under 100 days! I still have to shake my head in wonder at how quickly everything is going; I’m pretty sure last weekend we went to the zoo and told our parents about the first positive test. Now, our little boy has his own room, with furniture and clothes and OMG his first piggy bank!

 

 

 

Is it or is it not the cutest thing ever? I was trying to stick with the elephant theme, but seriously the only elephant bank I could find was on Things Remembered and they wanted $80 or something ridiculous because it’s silver plated. This bank is much more fun, and accessible, and come on – it’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! You could legitimately call my parenting into question if I didn’t introduce Arthur to the joy of the Turtles. (Someone would, you know it.)

Arthur and I are communicating a lot more as the time passes. He kicks to say hello, to let me know that he likes/doesn’t like my drink choices (I’m trying to train him “one for yes, two for no” with little success), and of course to remind me that he’s there when I’m sitting or lying quietly. A few notable exchanges this week: Wednesday I went down to Columbus for the P!nk – Truth About Love show and it was PHENOMENAL! Arthur clearly agreed, and took the opportunity while I was sitting (great seats, we didn’t have to stand unless we wanted to) to kick along with the beat.

Then last night, Daddy came home after a rough day at work. My mom had suggested he start lying with his head on my belly to see if Arthur makes contact, and sure enough he did! Brian said to him they felt like light flutters and he couldn’t be sure, but I was sure from what was going on on the inside. 🙂 Perhaps it was coincidence, but it seemed like Arthur’s kicks were timed to when Brian was talking to him or to me – I think he may like his daddy’s voice.

This week has also offered an interesting yet far less appropriate shift in my body chemistry…we’ll call it a signal from my body that all systems are go.

As far as pictures go, I’ve been resisting the weekly baby bump photo. Believe it or not, I feel completely drained after moving and growing a person and the last thing I want to do is try and make myself look better for picture day. I may concede for the last 15 or so weeks, but I don’t know that I will need or appreciate a reminder of how I’ve been looking lately. (It would be nice to see a comparison of now v. two months ago, so we’ll see.)

Still no word on the glucose challenge from last week. I’ll take that as a good sign.

Onward and (apparently) outward!

 

Here’s a kicker…

…yeah. I think I’m being kicked.

 

!!!

Halfway there!*

*We’re officially at 19 weeks, 5 days, rather than 20 weeks today. We’ve still gained a net of 3 days from the original gestational age, which would put me at 19 weeks, 2 days.

What a day!!

We had our (hour-long) anatomy scan yesterday afternoon at Ahuja Medical Center. I can’t wait until they open a full maternity ward, by the by, because it’s a beautiful facility and I would LOVE to deliver there one day.

Our baby is just…beautiful. If you ever have the chance to sit in on an ultrasound, I highly recommend it. In the 20th week, baby’s skin is still translucent enough to see all of the body’s systems functioning together. A perfect spinal cord, delicate little ribs and arms and legs… We counted 10 fingers and 10 toes, and even got to see the four chambers of baby’s heart as it pumped blood through the body (which we also got to see – and heart rate was a sturdy 164).

We saw our baby’s brain.

I can’t even put into thoughts, let alone words, how comforting and awe-inspiring it is to see this perfect little person, nestled safely inside of me, moving around to a rhythm inaudible to the rest of us. It put to rest the major fears I’ve only just now been able to voice to anyone, including myself, that I would do something wrong without even realizing it and *poof* – my healthy little baby would leave us.

Perhaps it’s taboo to even write that out, but I believe that the truest writing must encompass the darkest thoughts as well as the happiest – and pregnancy, as light and wonderful an experience as it is, is also a time when the mind works overtime thinking of all the ways this phenomenal journey could come to an abrupt and upsetting end. Yes, I’m just a worrywart, and I know this well enough to not give the dark thoughts too much of my attention. It’s still a huge moment of relief when I can see for myself that everything is just fine.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

You may have noticed that the blog is now blue. We are celebrating our son, Arthur!

19/20 week bump; Arthur’s most recent profile; and the surprise!

 

We had dinner with our parents last night to share the news. The “Hello, my name is…” sticker in the picture above was our vehicle for revelation: I stuck the half-page-size sticker to my camisole (under my outer layer) and, when I went to sit down, oh-so-casually lifted my outer shirt to reveal their grandson! Everyone was thrilled (mostly for happy and healthy, of course) and now planning is underway for our heir to join the family.

I’m giving a “Facebook press conference” to coincide with this post going live, and if you’re visiting from that press conference than the following information will seem redundant. Oh well, it’s awesome.

The final results of our informal poll, taken between Wednesday and Thursday:

• Boy: 27
• Girl: 22
• Other (Intersex/hermaphroditic, non-human [Dalek and Borg, specifically], and transgendered): 5
• Undecided: 3
• I don’t care, as long as it has superpowers: 3 (His midichlorians are off the scale, by the way.)
• Nolan Ross (a very specific subset of the “boy” category): 1

Full points will be awarded to those who voted “Boy” and “Nolan Ross” (come on, how else would I dress my kid?). One half point will be awarded to the two votes for intersex, as well as the vote for transgendered as “born boy” was specified. Those who requested superpowers now have the great responsibility of teaching him to use them wisely.

Funny story of the day: while our ultrasound visits have been to Ahuja, my OB practices at Suburban (5.5 miles away). Despite telling Brian 3 times that this appointment was at Ahuja, I called to tell him I was waiting in the parking lot to which he responds, “How are you there already?” Good thing he wasn’t where he thought he should be, and was still en route, and extra good thing that we padded our travel time to be on the safe side. Fortunately for him, all of our visits should be in the same place from now on, so no more confusion. (And we were still early for the appointment.)

Onward and forward!