Our First(ish) Mother’s Day

When does motherhood begin?

I suppose that three people may give me four different answers to that question. Clearly I am at least a “soon-to-be” mom, as evidenced by my ever-lowering bump…an almost-finished nursery…and the feeling I have inside of me (besides the heartburn) that even though I have yet to hold him in a traditional sense, I am very much already a Mother.

I told my own mother and mother-in-law that I didn’t feel quite right celebrating my “first” Mother’s Day when I haven’t actually met the baby yet, but when I woke up to texts and Facebook messages wishing me – me! – a Happy Mother’s Day I suddenly felt perfectly clear.

I hold my child in my body for the moment, yet I have held him in my heart since the morning I first read the word “pregnant” on that stick. Already I live for him, and would die for him with only the regret that we would be separated far too soon. I feel a rush of love and devotion to him each time I feel him moving inside me, and treasure (as I’ve mentioned) that bond that is ours alone to share. Science and philosophy agree that even when he leaves my body to enter the world, he will remain a part of me.

So, I send Mother’s Day love to every mother today, mothers who carry their children in their arms and those whose children are grown, mothers who carry their child in their womb and mothers whose angel babies will live on in their hearts. And, a happy Mother’s Day to me. Arthur is kicking, so I can only imagine he agrees.

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