We’re almost there…

Tomorrow marks 37 weeks – 21 more days until our due date – and I’m writing tonight because I’m not quite sure that we’ll make it to that milestone.

I’ve written previously about the Braxton Hicks contractions, but what I’ve been feeling today is…different. I have all kinds of pressure going on throughout my abdomen and while none of it is painful, per se, the contractions are gaining consistency and power.

I don’t think we’ll go tonight. But it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been wrong.

All in all, it’s a good time to go. I hope that we can still hold out maybe one more week, to greet June with a baby rather than making Memorial Day weekend even more memorable, but at this point it really isn’t up to me. The important thing is that guys, he’s coming!!  

Hey, at least it won’t be our first visit to the hospital this week.

Heads-up to a pretty unpleasant side effect of pregnancy – remember the heartburn? Well apparently, some of that acid can push up far enough that it goes into your airway instead of back down the esophagus where it belongs. And that acid can irritate the airway…and when that happens, you can totally cough up blood-and-other-ephemera.

Good news? It doesn’t affect the baby!! Bad news? You will go through at least part of the experience wishing someone would put you out of your misery.

(Better news, without going into too much detail, is that I can finally breathe normally again.)

Just between us (however many of us there are)…I’m a little scared now that I can see the finish line.

Time to dig deep.



Our First(ish) Mother’s Day

When does motherhood begin?

I suppose that three people may give me four different answers to that question. Clearly I am at least a “soon-to-be” mom, as evidenced by my ever-lowering bump…an almost-finished nursery…and the feeling I have inside of me (besides the heartburn) that even though I have yet to hold him in a traditional sense, I am very much already a Mother.

I told my own mother and mother-in-law that I didn’t feel quite right celebrating my “first” Mother’s Day when I haven’t actually met the baby yet, but when I woke up to texts and Facebook messages wishing me – me! – a Happy Mother’s Day I suddenly felt perfectly clear.

I hold my child in my body for the moment, yet I have held him in my heart since the morning I first read the word “pregnant” on that stick. Already I live for him, and would die for him with only the regret that we would be separated far too soon. I feel a rush of love and devotion to him each time I feel him moving inside me, and treasure (as I’ve mentioned) that bond that is ours alone to share. Science and philosophy agree that even when he leaves my body to enter the world, he will remain a part of me.

So, I send Mother’s Day love to every mother today, mothers who carry their children in their arms and those whose children are grown, mothers who carry their child in their womb and mothers whose angel babies will live on in their hearts. And, a happy Mother’s Day to me. Arthur is kicking, so I can only imagine he agrees.

35 Weeks: The baby shower and getting ready

I can’t believe we’re here.

Today is 35 weeks. Um, what? I’m pretty sure I just peed on that stick yesterday (or like a week ago) but no, a week ago we had our baby shower.

Two nights ago, we installed the car seat in the CR-V.

Last night, we hooked up the co-sleeper bassinet and I packed (most of) my hospital bag.

Today, I will finish the last load of laundry for the baby – crib sheets, towels and washcloths, and the last few outfits.

Where did all of the time go?

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve had a repeat of the emotions that flooded through me toward the end of September, incidentally right about the time that we got pregnant (you’ll recall we didn’t discover it for about two weeks after that). Two of my friends from high school, who announced their pregnancies right before I discovered mine, have each delivered happy and healthy (and beautiful!) baby girls. Following their progress on social media, from the trip to the hospital to the first few days at home, I find myself thinking again “okay…now it’s my turn.” Not quite, of course – I’m still waiting on two beautiful baby boys who are set to arrive a smidge before A, and we’re not quite full-term just yet.

But I am so ready.

The nursery has evolved from an empty room with ugly and cracking yellow paint to a newborn jungle. We’re shuffling gifts into their respective places and I’ve become an expert in Graco assembly instructions since last Saturday. Each day when I pass the guest room where the swing and pack ‘n’ play are waiting for their new owner, I just look down at my little bump and whisper, “soon…”

Soon, I will meet my son. Soon, he will no longer be only mine.

More to follow…